And the most shocking revelation: Scrappy Doo (a.k.a. "The Yoko Ono of Saturday Morning Cartoons" & "The Anti-Scooby") is nothing more than a hideous incarnation of both Cancer Man & Krycek! It's just too upsetting! I can't even talk about it anymore.

Chapter 2: Coincidences

As I have mentioned before the eerie connection between Scooby's and Spooky's names, the name game becomes even stranger as you dig deeper. Examine: Shaggy... Scrappy... Scully... Scooby... Spooky... Shaggy... Scrappy... Scully... Scooby... Spooky... try saying that 10 times fast! Notice how they all start with the letter "S", followed by the double repetition of letters, and ending in the letter "y." Sure, it's just some sort of cosmic "coincidence" that can be easily explained scientifically.... NOT!

And who exactly pays for all the food that Shaggy & Scooby always seem to scarf down yet never manage to gain a pound? And who pays for all the gas for the Gang to "randomly" travel around the country and the world solving mysteries? Sure, you could say they saved money by never changing and washing their clothes, but that doesn't explain how they could afford all those Scooby Snacks^TM! Isn't it odd that the Gang never received any monetary rewards for solving any Unsolved Mysteries? And how peculiar that these so-called "kids" don't have parents or homes or jobs nor do they even bother going to school (except for that occasional groovy sock hop held in the middle of nowhere)! And on top of that, they don't even sing or play in a rock band! So where does all their income come from!?! Sure, some people claim that Daphne's wealthy family finances The Gang's investigative exploits. Good cover story! However, would any parent give money to their child to travel around randomly with rather "questionable" friends who always seem to get "into trouble" and ride in a van that always seems to "run out of gas" on dark, deserted roads?

Furthermore, isn't it "coincidental" how Scooby & the Gang always seem to stumble upon the supernatural by "accident!" Sure, I'll concede bumping into the giant Hawaiian stone statue, Mano Tiki Tia, as "coincidental" but that doesn't explain all the witches, ghosts, aliens, UFOs, vampires, werewolves, and your standard everyday neighborhood monsters that the Gang always seem to happen upon by mere "accident!" Okay, so the Gang never met El Chupacabra, but isn't it odd that these "meddling kids" always seem to solve the mystery by exposing the so-called "supernatural" as a fraud, a hoax, or an ever-encompassing conspiracy?!?

Chapter 3: Revelations

I, for one, think these are too many "coincidences" to be Kosher! Now this wouldn't be so ridiculous if Scooby Doo & the Gang were actually covert secret agents posing as "pesky kids & a dog" and working for a secret governmental agency in charge of investigating the supernatural! Obviously the Gang must've been in their 30's like those wacky "kids" on Beverly Hills, 90210! Trying to be hip, groovy, far out, and out of sight, these thirtysomething squares wear ascots (sorry, Freddy, you're not fooling anyone!) and drive around in the psychedelic Mystery Machine. Despite it's deceptively retro look, the Mystery Machine has to be hiding more sophisticated machinery behind those seemingly featureless gray walls! Wherever and whenever there's an S-File, the Gang is sent to investigate and debunk the hoax! Underneath the veil of hilarity and hi-jinks lies the shocking conspiracy! So true and so shocking, isn't it?

Scooby... a talking dog with human vocal cords who can walk erect on his hind legs, use an opposable thumb, and comprehend complex thought processes!?! Can we all say, "Secret Governmental Genetic Engineering Experiment!" I knew you could! Interesting, isn't it, that NASA would bestow the name of "Scooby" on a rock on Mars... And what exactly are the ingredients in those Scooby Snacks^TM? What kind of mind controlling substances were in those Scooby Snacks^TM that would turn Scooby into a junkie and willing to doo anything for a smack? Ever notice how those "snacks" always seemed to induce euphoria in Scooby? Obviously, they must've been puppy uppers used to manipulate Scooby into doing The Government's bidding! Not even Mentos can doo that! Sinister, indeed!

Finally, here's some food for thought: if you added a groovy 70's soundtrack to The X-Files and had Mulder occasionally exclaiming, "ZOINKS!" while Scully exclaims, "JINKY!" how similar would the so-called X-Files be to an episode of Scooby Doo? The implications are frightening!

Chapter 4: Conclusions